Falls Race 2005 Photos, Video and Shadow Puppets

Ok so I don't really have the shadow puppets worked out yet but I do have still photos that I shot on Sunday and video that I shot on Saturday. If you went over the Falls Sunday let me know and I will send you disc. I can't guarantee that you will be on the disc but truthfully with the helmut creating shadows on the face who is going to know. That one guy in the orange boat never went off straight the whole weekend. That's who I'd be...
The video is a problem. I have about three hours of tape that I have shot in the last two years and I have no idea how to saw it down into anything interesting. I want to combine the video with the stills and add a hot Pan Flute Reggae sound track...nah! Too boring. Any ideas?

Maybe I'll just stick to the Falls Race Shadow Puppet Extravaganza. That's box office anywhere in the world. (I'm a tenth generation shadow puppet master. My great-great grandfather did that legendary 12 candle version of the Battle of Gettysburg that people still talk about.)

If you want to see my favorite shot from this year send me an email address to Kentpix@cs.com and I'll send it along....Probably be that guy in the orange boat....that's me in case anyone asks.

The Pencil

An ex-girlfiend called up and said "I can't call you The Big Whacker because I know better but I don't know anyone named The Pencil. Would that be alright? It's so you!"

"Well can't you call me The Big Pencil?"

I thought there was no fact checking on blogs...

The Big Whacker

I was playing R-ball like a God tonight.The court was on fire and I was made of blue ice. My kill shots were so good the ball started to blush. I ripped out my opponents' inner child and sent it to the Taxidermist. Teddy couldn't do a thing with it. etc

After tonight I will only answer if people refer to me as The Big Whacker.

The Lost Car Keys

How would you find a set of car keys lost in a field of deep grass the size of ten football fields?

Would you do this?

Go back the next evening while the sun still has some juice, with another set of keys. Walk around the field until your hand becomes too tired to hold the keys. And then drop the keys. But since the pair of keys you borrowed are a little heavier than the keys you lost walk forward ten more feet. Look down.

And bend over and pick up the lost keys.

My friend L is a scientist. She defined the parameters of the problem. She designed an experiment that addressed the variables within those parameters. She executed the experiment. And then she bent over and picked up her lost keys.

She says she's lucky. I say we send her after Osama.

"Well where was he standing?"
"How big are his feet?"
"Was he wearing sunglasses?"

That's him. Over there. In the shorts. By the camel.

Gum Sugar Daddy

The other day the beautiful and sexy and young receptionist where I work called out to me as I left the building.

"Come back Gum Sugar Daddy!"

Wow!
I think I am ready to become a multi-tasking Sugar Daddy to a hundred young ladies.

Gum Sugar Daddy...Hell yea!
Lost Key Sugar Daddy...Hell yea!
Endless Massage Sugar Daddy...Hell yea!
Spectacular High-Heel Sugar Daddy...Hell yea!

Listen to all your problems and not say anything Sugar Daddy...Hmmmmm? No I think I'll pass!

Fourty something men have an irrational affection for twenty something women. But you have to draw the line somewhere.

Guilty

I killed two bats last night barreling down 79 at 75 mph. Ten thousand generations of bats have fed peacefully in that dark valley until I rolled my bag of useless blood and bones through in the mankind's most insidious invention. I was doing what all Americans do these days. I was to-ing and fro-ing, zigging and zagging, killing time trying to think of new ways to spend money to keep myself from getting bored, or facing the absolute pointlessness of my existence.

They were flying together doing something that I don't think we will ever understand. They flashed through my headlights. If you believe they hate bright light then they were probably blind when they smashed into my windshield. You have to imagine their broken bodies tumbling through the darkness. Hopefully back into the woods but probably not.

A bat flew into my bedroom a couple of weeks ago. I was asleep until the cats knocked a couple of pictures off the mantle on my head. I turned on the the light thinking I wanted to kill the cats until I saw them sitting like soldiers in formation on the mantle, their heads moving in perfect unison following the path of the bat as he circled my bed.

It took me an hour to capture the bat and put him outside. If you could have seen this bat you would never be afraid of bats again. It was terrified.

One thousand years ago...100 years ago people were a harmless virus on the planet.

We have mutated. I just hope the planet can find a way to fight us off.

Paddling with dead catfish...

Em called me this morning to tell me that I had forgotten to mention April in my haiku report of our seven hour "epic" on the middle yesterday. Truthfully April showed up on our trip around hour six and I think at that point we were all hallucinating. So I wasn't sure there really was an April. Yes it was all a bad dream....then Em called.

April was a dead catfish that Em fished up out of the river, and plopped on the front of her Jib. Em's 8 now and when we tried to tell her April (Em named it) was just sleeping, Em said "I think April's dead." And then she said "Why is April dead?" And I wanted to say "I don't know Em, why is it taking us two days to run the Middle. Sometimes things are the way they are and...well you know the rest."

But existentialism is kind of hard to explain to an eight year old that is paddling on jelly bean fumes. So I told her April probably died in a head on fish collision of some kind. "Really?" This is when I should have showed her my crummy card trick that never works...

April paddled with us for about two miles floating in a half inch of water pooled on the front of Em's boat. And of course, April's cold dead eyes never stopped looking at me. If I paddled in front of Em...the glassy stare. If I paddled beside Em, April would float around in her pool of water and stare some more like some demon fish from "heck". (Hi Em.) At one point I even wanted to try a roll so I could be away from those eyes for just a couple of seconds. Who am I kidding? I would have wet exited and run into April's dead cousins. (cue Psycho soundrack)

Thank God for Diagonal Ledges. One second April is there staring at me like I was the only person on the Planet Earth that really liked Mrs Pauls Fishsticks, and the next second she was gone. Back to the deep. Back to her cousins....and straight into my nightmares.

I will say this. Make of it what you will. Em swam the next rapid. The only rapid she swam. Coincidence or an EVIL FISH PLOT....you decide.

Return from where?

EXAGGOMAN was in the basement fighting crime. And now I have returned. It feels good to be back from the laundry room having taught those basement dwelling skells a lesson or two about...well let's just say a certain sock thief will not be turning blue, green, and black socks into only children.
And now as my reward the King has given me a blog.
Let it begin...