I Killed A Norwegian Snowman
The best reason to pray is to get stuff. Don't you agree? I think I have prayed twice in my life. I got the banana seat bike when I was six. I am still waiting for the snow.
"I really believe that if anyone can make it snow it's YOU. Thanks in advance. Amen. And oh yea I never thanked YOU for the bike..so thanks! Amen. And oh yea what's up with Pat Robertson? Dude! I mean DUDE! He needs to chill...I mean if YOU want him to chill that is. Amen."
It is January 19...pretty much the exact dead center of winter and it was 55 degrees and sunny today in Pittsburgh. It has been this way for a couple of weeks, and I for one have had enough! Do you remember how you cried when Frosty the Snowman melted? That was just one jolly snowman, gone before his time. I tell you now people thousands of jolly snowmen lie dead or dying in Pittsburgh at this very moment, their carrot noses sprouting green up through their soggy black top hats, and no one cares. I heard on the news tonight that the snowman carnage is causing localized flooding in small creeks and streams. People are doing their laundry in dead snowmen. Every time you flush your toilet another snowman loses his best chance to go to two year technical school and become a productive member of Winterfest. What has happened to us that we can giggle as we lightly jump over that puddle that used to be our snowy friend? Thank God Burl Ives is dead and can't see what we have become.
I repeat. It is January 19. The average high on a day like this is supposed to be 34 degrees. The rain should really be acting more like snow...
Alright listen... I am tired of pretending to be a MR Nice Guy, all weepy over those spineless melted snowmen. Seven Springs needs snow so I can have fun skiing. I am an American. I was designed and born to have fun, and if I could steal 1000 frightened snowmen from Norway and set them up on Giant Boulder slope, I would. And when they were sleeping late at night I would sneak up on every one of them and pound them flat with a snow shovel, and when the sun rose the next morning I would ski all over their flattened corpses...
I am a Bad Man...but if you can kill the President of Chile for Pat Robertson you can send me some damn snow. Thanks! Over and out. Amen! Etc.
"I really believe that if anyone can make it snow it's YOU. Thanks in advance. Amen. And oh yea I never thanked YOU for the bike..so thanks! Amen. And oh yea what's up with Pat Robertson? Dude! I mean DUDE! He needs to chill...I mean if YOU want him to chill that is. Amen."
It is January 19...pretty much the exact dead center of winter and it was 55 degrees and sunny today in Pittsburgh. It has been this way for a couple of weeks, and I for one have had enough! Do you remember how you cried when Frosty the Snowman melted? That was just one jolly snowman, gone before his time. I tell you now people thousands of jolly snowmen lie dead or dying in Pittsburgh at this very moment, their carrot noses sprouting green up through their soggy black top hats, and no one cares. I heard on the news tonight that the snowman carnage is causing localized flooding in small creeks and streams. People are doing their laundry in dead snowmen. Every time you flush your toilet another snowman loses his best chance to go to two year technical school and become a productive member of Winterfest. What has happened to us that we can giggle as we lightly jump over that puddle that used to be our snowy friend? Thank God Burl Ives is dead and can't see what we have become.
I repeat. It is January 19. The average high on a day like this is supposed to be 34 degrees. The rain should really be acting more like snow...
Alright listen... I am tired of pretending to be a MR Nice Guy, all weepy over those spineless melted snowmen. Seven Springs needs snow so I can have fun skiing. I am an American. I was designed and born to have fun, and if I could steal 1000 frightened snowmen from Norway and set them up on Giant Boulder slope, I would. And when they were sleeping late at night I would sneak up on every one of them and pound them flat with a snow shovel, and when the sun rose the next morning I would ski all over their flattened corpses...
I am a Bad Man...but if you can kill the President of Chile for Pat Robertson you can send me some damn snow. Thanks! Over and out. Amen! Etc.
posted by Exaggoman at 7:26 PM
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