Pineapple Cake Parachute
I think I have mentioned in a previous post that I am known as a genius inventor in the Dream World. You know that I invented the Mattress Car that goes 200 MPH and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of Mattress Gas. And because it is only for sale in the Dream World I was able to keep the price of the top of the line, eight pillow model, under $30. And as you know the Mattress Car outsells the Pine Tree Car 10 to 1. No surprise there. Have you ever taken a long Dream Trip to Visit Dream Grandma in Dream Akron in a Pine Tree Car? By the time you get to those legendary white sand beaches of Dream Akron the dream has become a Nightmare and hatchet wielding bogeymen are chasing you down the beach with mayhem on their minds.
I mention my most famous Dream Invention because I am clinging to my Glory Days. Things have gone horribly wrong for me in the Dream World. I have lost my magic touch. All my latest inventions suck! I am not making any money and I am actually getting some Dreamers killed. They are going straight from a Dream to Heaven or Hell depending on the whim of a crunchy old fart named Pete. (I don't care for Pete with those filthy overalls and that stinky cigar standing in front of that door in the stairwell that he calls the Pearly Gates. Like he's perfect.) But I digress.
A couple of nights ago I invented a new kind of parachute where when you pull the cord you wind up facing down after the shoot opens. It made so much sense to me in the Dream World. Simply put you now see exactly where you are going. All my assistants loved the idea. Well it turns out they are all ass kissers. Even in the Dream World my Pineapple Cake Parachute was a lousy idea. I pulled it off the market after several "early adopters" came to grief and wound up skipping the rest of their waking lifes for an early visit to Pete. The lawsuits are going to ruin my Mattress Car business. The Dream Blonde that I hang with over on the sleep side has put on sixty pounds in the last two nights and she never wants to try anything new.
The final blow which is making me never want to fall asleep again is this new problem with the Mattress Car. People are getting so comfortable in their Mattress Cars that they are actually falling asleep in their sleep. While they are driving. Dreaming in a dream makes for bad drivers. They run a redlight and crash into a Pine Tree car. It wakes them right up but they are still dreaming. The only good thing is everything is so confusing my lawyers will be able to tie these lawsuits up in Dream Court for a thousand years...
I am feeling sleepy. Crap! I think she wants to go to the Mall and she can't even fit in my Sports Mattress any more.
I mention my most famous Dream Invention because I am clinging to my Glory Days. Things have gone horribly wrong for me in the Dream World. I have lost my magic touch. All my latest inventions suck! I am not making any money and I am actually getting some Dreamers killed. They are going straight from a Dream to Heaven or Hell depending on the whim of a crunchy old fart named Pete. (I don't care for Pete with those filthy overalls and that stinky cigar standing in front of that door in the stairwell that he calls the Pearly Gates. Like he's perfect.) But I digress.
A couple of nights ago I invented a new kind of parachute where when you pull the cord you wind up facing down after the shoot opens. It made so much sense to me in the Dream World. Simply put you now see exactly where you are going. All my assistants loved the idea. Well it turns out they are all ass kissers. Even in the Dream World my Pineapple Cake Parachute was a lousy idea. I pulled it off the market after several "early adopters" came to grief and wound up skipping the rest of their waking lifes for an early visit to Pete. The lawsuits are going to ruin my Mattress Car business. The Dream Blonde that I hang with over on the sleep side has put on sixty pounds in the last two nights and she never wants to try anything new.
The final blow which is making me never want to fall asleep again is this new problem with the Mattress Car. People are getting so comfortable in their Mattress Cars that they are actually falling asleep in their sleep. While they are driving. Dreaming in a dream makes for bad drivers. They run a redlight and crash into a Pine Tree car. It wakes them right up but they are still dreaming. The only good thing is everything is so confusing my lawyers will be able to tie these lawsuits up in Dream Court for a thousand years...
I am feeling sleepy. Crap! I think she wants to go to the Mall and she can't even fit in my Sports Mattress any more.
posted by Exaggoman at 9:19 AM
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