Thursday, January 12, 2006

Puppy

Some friends are getting an Australian sheepdog puppy in February and whenever anyone I know gets a new dog I want one too. I am a Wanter. My cats are like rocks in a Zen garden. And I'm getting pretty tired of raking around them. Families of mice live in their rent controlled fat folds. I need PET EXCITEMENT in my life.

A dog is the answer for me. And when someone mentions a brand I head off to the Google for pictures and info.

Here's what I found out about the Australian Sheepdog. Your back lawn should be around 4000 acres (roughly 100 square miles) and there should be around 700 BAD sheep living there. You let the little fellow out the back door every morning around 4AM. He spends the day arranging the sheep in demented crop circles. Look for him to return to the back door around 10PM dragging a couple of dead wolves. He will usually want to play for a couple of hours and then watch you sleep for a couple of hours. And then it's out the back door, down the path to those 700 BAD sheep that have drifted out of position ever so slightly in the six hours the pooch wasn't watching. It sounds impressive, but I'd like to see him move these cats off the radiator.

Getting an Australian sheepdog puppy is a unique experience. You don't go to a pet store. Once you have made the deal to buy the pup the breeder gives you directions to an empty field somewhere in Ohio. You are given a GPS position and told to go there in the middle of a Moonless night. Bring some folding chairs, some sandwiches and a stuffed animal and wait. You will know your beautiful puppy has arrived when you hear the sound of scraping dirt and a narrow beam of sunlight about the size of a puppy shoots up from the ground into the black sky. Don't move. Puppy will find you. When you see him running directly at you hold the stuffed animal out in front of you as an offering. After he has torn the stuffed animal to pieces he will lead you back to your car in a unique pattern designed to use all the humans that had been in the field waiting for him. Take five people to see the star. Four for a box. If you go by yourself don't expect to walk in a straight line. Expect the puppy to give you a strange look when he sees those sheep just standing around any which way when you get home. He will wanted to get started immediately.

It just warms me to know my new puppy will be watching me as I sleep. I remember how I used to watch HER sleep....but then she cheated on me....that's another story all together.

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