Potato Boy

His mother sent him out trick or treating dressed as a baked potato. The yellow square hat was a pat of butter.

It happened 40 years ago when he was 7.

He begged to go as a pirate. And then he begged to stay at home.

He didn't even really look like a potato.

"Morty there's a little Turd Boy at the door. And he's wearing a pat of butter on his head. Come see"

The nickname lasted until he joined the Coast Guard and then things got really bad.

Everyone knows potatoes can't swim.